and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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