so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
