What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
