btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
