she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
