you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
