Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
