I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
