He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
