Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
