I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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