i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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