tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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