She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
