There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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