Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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