bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
third nipple confirmed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
