had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
