some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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