I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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