dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
