I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
