i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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