Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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