New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize