That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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