two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
