He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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