Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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