ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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