Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
