Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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