This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
