My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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