if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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