it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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