I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
