i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
