i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
