I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
