I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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