Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
