I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
