spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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