Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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