whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just pee around me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
