You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
