Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
