I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
