i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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