I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
