Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
