it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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