I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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