I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
