Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
