kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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