Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
