Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
