You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
