OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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