Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sober January is a disaster.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
