and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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