I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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