There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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