Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
