hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
a search helicopter?!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
