Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
