I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
