M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
