I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
