I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
