i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
