so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
