I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
