Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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