I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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