my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
